Derealization Diary of Love

If everything was completely still
Who would we see in the mirror,
Who do we see in our conscience,
Am I just a projection my eyes behold,
Or can my face once more reflect a countenance?

Where did you go?
How did you end up a shadow?
A smile from a dream, a reminder far away
The Zohars seen in sleep, as I fasted day after day.

I don’t know how to forget collapsing in the streets, over and over again
Unable to move, unable to speak
But I don’t know how to remember how to walk, how to breathe, like before.

Where are you guided after shattering thousands of times?
I am not sure, though, perhaps, this is the secret of faith
That a child sees so simply -
How there is surely light on the other side,
And there is purely love flowing from above.

Every step down the river is guided,
On the banks grows a tree from childhood
The leaves have changed colors, the trunk feels splintered.
I am sorry for cutting your branches, with broken glass and scissors,
Every sin a siluk of the soul.
It’s okay - I forgive you.

To clear a million clouds
Fogged from disease.
I feel unreal, if only
Occipital and trigeminal nerves would heal.

How can my light reflect itself
When the face for expression detaches from its self?

Oh, there is surely light on the other side,
And there is purely love flowing from above.

To turn a new page and let the story write itself
Instead of re-reading words passed long ago
Rewriting chapters closed in the subconscious,
Because our lives are unfolding providence.

Soak in garments of light in the river of compassion
And let the flashbacks flow by in the cycle of time.

Today,
Every smile given
And every hand extended,
Every act of kedusha, learned and shared, they all cross chasms
Of stillness.