My Here and Now Prayer

A Jew is taught to bind the heart and mind together
For the heart is life, and the mind is her guide
Two islands miles apart.
At least, then, to build a bridge between them.
And when the bridge ices over,
If the heart did not seek the Spring today,
Because of the travails of the here and now,
Then a telegram to send, every once in a while.

But who is to say He is not also found
In the travails of the here and now?
The glance we must guard when nobody else is looking
The childhood photos strewn across the river
Or the lakes without laughter without words to explain.

What would the here and now say?
Would it fall from the bridge so delicately balanced?
Would it land in those lakes far away from their mountains?
Would it think the Holy One, Blessed Be He, Whose name, “Blessed,” which comes from the word Separate, in Hebrew, is perhaps closer to the Talmud than He is to our tears?

To behold quiet awe, here
Like dust and ashes, Him I cleave to, now.
The Vidui’s confessed when I felt unsure I would live
Amidst five brain infections, and a seizure disorder.
The countless doctors who could not explain
The screams from pain that felt like stabs to my brain.
The regret in transgression, Lo Sisgodedu,
The joy in discovering how to walk again.

To swim through Heaven,
Without forgetting my hands still shake from a thousand cries, here
Without remembering too much, now.

I looked over the edge of the waterfall, here
And found a river of light flowing from Eden, now.